a little edgy

Well to report on my last two runs. I ran with Matt on Saturday around Lauren's neighborhood. It was a solid run with some terrible hills and... terrain. Most of it had sidewalks. But then there was the section that did not. And it instead had pinecones and roots that had to be watched for. Anyway. I loved getting to run with someone, and I wasn't expecting that. I was nervous that it would be too tough to chat at all, or that our paces wouldn't work out. But all of that turned out to be fine. My next run was yesterday. I actually loved it. By the time I got home my right hip flexor and my left ileotibial band were both in pain, but not terribly so. Unfortunately after walking around all afternoon, they did hurt pretty badly, but today they are on the mend. Because I didn't want to further injure them, I didn't run today.

Ok. I know I am about a solid week behind. It isn't so much that this is being pushed to a back burner, its just that my job is such an important and terrifying burner, that 90% of my focus has to be there. I can't risk injury, or lack of sleep, or anything that makes my mind feel any lack of control. I am sorry that I'm not as involved as I want to be. I can't even put to words how incredibly and constantly overwhelmed I am right now. And it seems the things that seem to help don't include running. Not because of the actual running, but because if I run at the gym it takes a disproportionate chunk of time from my day, and regardless of location then it messes with my showering routine and meals schedule (since I have to wait a weirdly long time after eating to run), and makes more laundry for me to do, and just generally feels irresponsible when my house is a wreck, and my mind is the same. Things that calm my mind include cleaning and organizing. And sleeping.

I am hoping to cancel my gym membership and only focus on running outside for a couple months. Running outside is easier mentally and doesn't require me to pack yet another back when I leave for work in the mornings. The fact that there are no scheduled walking breaks in the runs seems to help me zone out while I run now, so I am hopeful that soon I'll see running as a way to decompress, not as an inconvenience. That all being said, thank you for bearing with me during this really rough transition in my life.